The Delilah Journal
Reflections on Being Diagnosed Extremely Late in Life As Autistic
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What readers are saying:
"Reading The Delilah Journal felt like being a young puppy straining against a leash on a walk through a dog park. I could barely focus on the words as my brain bounded ahead to the next idea. I couldn’t force myself to slow down and take notes. I’m sorry. The book is perfect. We’re sisters. You’ll save lives with it. Don’t change one word... It’s so difficult in this world to embrace your identity when people tell you over and over that it’s NOT your identity, that it’s PTSD, high intelligence, self absorption, so many other things that you can’t ever seem to “fix” or get a handle on. Then you read a perfect description of your experience with a word for it and an acceptance of the ramifications, and you’re set free. You no longer have to think of yourself as a big poser. And other people’s shame and judgments don’t matter. It’s so so so important."-- Sandra Kay
I'm breathless! I didn't want that to end... Your writing opens a world to me I wouldn't otherwise have access. Thank you for being so very generous in sharing your experience of being you! --Jacqueline Udin
"I'm about halfway through and interrupting myself to send a preliminary status report: I am gulping this like cool water. Honestly, I made myself take a break because the reading feels compulsive. And I'm not breathing right because I'm holding my breath with excitement about the next thing and the next and the next that will be words saying so well the things I've sensed and sometimes even said but haven't put together. I know how to give useful feedback and I will after a second reading, but just wanted to let you know how strong my initial response is to this... food I didn't even know I was starving for." -- L.R.D.
"I wanted to cry when I read why you chose the letters DELILAH for your journal name. Your honesty about your experiences is so refreshing. Absolutely love your description of your honesty as your ‘link to the mothership.’ That is gold!... I have started keeping a list of all the magic in my life. DELILAH will be added to my list today. --J.L.
As a very late-diagnosed autistic non-binary trans woman, I very much resonated with your story… I’m 2 weeks shy of 68 years old, and had my realization of being autistic around 3 years ago… In particular, at various points early in my gender transition, during the early 1990s, other trans women often criticized me for not “doing it right.” I can see in retrospect through the autistic lens that things that were required for me to “pass” just didn’t seem to make sense to my autistic way of thinking, of viewing the world, of being myself. I’ve met and connected with other older late diagnosed people, mostly women and non-binary, in the past couple of years. I think there are a lot of us Delilah’s out there. Your book helps give voice to our existence!—Shana Aisenberg
"I found the essays to be accessible, engaging, and well-written…. I learned a whole lot through reading them, without ever feeling lectured. Next comes how this work changed my life, which I didn't expect... While I am far from the poster girl for neuro-divergent, I had the shocking realization that I am 'wired differently.' I was attributing a whole lot of things in my life to trauma…. Maybe I was trying to change some things that can't be changed, but I could learn to accept in a more loving way. The other thing is more like a public service you did… I promise to be more compassionate, and remember that we are all doing the best we can." -- Gail W.
"Carolyn Gage is THE eminent lesbian playwright. Author of 100 plays, many of them about women in history, she is finally beginning to get a little of the fame she deserves. Just a few years ago, she was diagnosed as autistic. For Gage, this diagnosis has revelatory and liberatory. She is reframing her experiences in light of being an autistic person. This book is called The Delilah Journal as an acronym for Diagnosed Extremely Late in Life as Autistic. Since childhood, Gage has experienced many interactions with other people as confusing. People have been put off by her acting in ways that seemed natural to her. Now she realizes that her reactions were indeed natural because she was autistic. She affirms the value of neurodivergent perceptions and suggests that neurotypical people could learn from neurodivergents. I did learn a great deal from this book and recommend it to others.-- Carol Anne Douglas
"Reading The Delilah Journal felt like being a young puppy straining against a leash on a walk through a dog park. I could barely focus on the words as my brain bounded ahead to the next idea. I couldn’t force myself to slow down and take notes. I’m sorry. The book is perfect. We’re sisters. You’ll save lives with it. Don’t change one word... It’s so difficult in this world to embrace your identity when people tell you over and over that it’s NOT your identity, that it’s PTSD, high intelligence, self absorption, so many other things that you can’t ever seem to “fix” or get a handle on. Then you read a perfect description of your experience with a word for it and an acceptance of the ramifications, and you’re set free. You no longer have to think of yourself as a big poser. And other people’s shame and judgments don’t matter. It’s so so so important."-- Sandra Kay
I'm breathless! I didn't want that to end... Your writing opens a world to me I wouldn't otherwise have access. Thank you for being so very generous in sharing your experience of being you! --Jacqueline Udin
"I'm about halfway through and interrupting myself to send a preliminary status report: I am gulping this like cool water. Honestly, I made myself take a break because the reading feels compulsive. And I'm not breathing right because I'm holding my breath with excitement about the next thing and the next and the next that will be words saying so well the things I've sensed and sometimes even said but haven't put together. I know how to give useful feedback and I will after a second reading, but just wanted to let you know how strong my initial response is to this... food I didn't even know I was starving for." -- L.R.D.
"I wanted to cry when I read why you chose the letters DELILAH for your journal name. Your honesty about your experiences is so refreshing. Absolutely love your description of your honesty as your ‘link to the mothership.’ That is gold!... I have started keeping a list of all the magic in my life. DELILAH will be added to my list today. --J.L.
As a very late-diagnosed autistic non-binary trans woman, I very much resonated with your story… I’m 2 weeks shy of 68 years old, and had my realization of being autistic around 3 years ago… In particular, at various points early in my gender transition, during the early 1990s, other trans women often criticized me for not “doing it right.” I can see in retrospect through the autistic lens that things that were required for me to “pass” just didn’t seem to make sense to my autistic way of thinking, of viewing the world, of being myself. I’ve met and connected with other older late diagnosed people, mostly women and non-binary, in the past couple of years. I think there are a lot of us Delilah’s out there. Your book helps give voice to our existence!—Shana Aisenberg
"I found the essays to be accessible, engaging, and well-written…. I learned a whole lot through reading them, without ever feeling lectured. Next comes how this work changed my life, which I didn't expect... While I am far from the poster girl for neuro-divergent, I had the shocking realization that I am 'wired differently.' I was attributing a whole lot of things in my life to trauma…. Maybe I was trying to change some things that can't be changed, but I could learn to accept in a more loving way. The other thing is more like a public service you did… I promise to be more compassionate, and remember that we are all doing the best we can." -- Gail W.
"Carolyn Gage is THE eminent lesbian playwright. Author of 100 plays, many of them about women in history, she is finally beginning to get a little of the fame she deserves. Just a few years ago, she was diagnosed as autistic. For Gage, this diagnosis has revelatory and liberatory. She is reframing her experiences in light of being an autistic person. This book is called The Delilah Journal as an acronym for Diagnosed Extremely Late in Life as Autistic. Since childhood, Gage has experienced many interactions with other people as confusing. People have been put off by her acting in ways that seemed natural to her. Now she realizes that her reactions were indeed natural because she was autistic. She affirms the value of neurodivergent perceptions and suggests that neurotypical people could learn from neurodivergents. I did learn a great deal from this book and recommend it to others.-- Carol Anne Douglas